Champagne Birthday

I look forward to my birthday every year and then resent it when it finally arrives. I build it up in my mind to be this magical day, but it’s always just ordinary. The concept of merely celebrating the fact that I’ve existed on this planet for another 365 days just doesn’t sit right with me. Celebrating my existence without taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate my experience, feels shallow.

When I was little, there was a paper growth chart that hung on the wall in my grandparent’s kitchen. It hung there throughout my entire childhood and when I visited their house, I would stand there, as tall as I could - shoulders back, chin up, and I was measured. Everyone’s heights were marked on the chart, with names and dates, so we could see our progress. We kept track of how much we’d grown, and it was celebrated.

This memory makes me smile, but it also stirs up a sadness in me. When did we stop measuring our growth? Why? I never stopped growing, but we stopped keeping track. We stopped celebrating.

When we were babies every little milestone was celebrated - a new sound or expression, touching our toes, rolling over. As we grew, the little milestones changed and became bigger milestones, and somewhere along the way, we stopped marvelling at our progress.

The more “grown” I become, the less my growth seems to matter. They stopped keeping track - my progress goes unmeasured and unacknowledged. I’ve grown more in the last 2 and a half years than I have in my entire adult life so far, but there’s been no celebration.

This doesn’t feel right to me, so I’m taking the reins and acknowledging myself for my growth. I’m celebrating the change I’ve experienced in the past 2 and a half years - the change I’ve created. I’m celebrating my progress and all the inner work I’ve been doing, for uncovering my inner light and allowing it to radiate outwards for people to feel my warmth rather than the chill of my inner demons that used to seep from my pores. I am not the same woman I used to be, and although I appreciate who she was and the part she played in my story, I am overjoyed to be able to lay her to rest and bring forth this new version of me.

There is still a lot of growth ahead, there is still more change to be made, but I’m getting there and the journey is worth celebrating. Every little milestone deserves recognition, and we owe it to ourselves to make sure that happens, even if it’s just a quiet acknowledgment between us and the mirror without any fanfare.