Love, Yourself

I’ll be 29 on the 29th of this month; my champagne birthday. As I’m about to begin the final year of my 20's, and 30 looms ever closer, I find myself wanting. I find myself craving a deeper connection with the world around me; more authenticity.

I wrote this letter to myself in February 2020 and even though it’s been over a year - oh, what a year it has been - these words carry more weight for me now than ever. I’ll let them speak for themselves.

---

“Dear Sahara,

Darling, look how far you’ve come; how much you’ve changed. The woman you were at the end of 2018 is unrecognizable now. Back then, you were struggling with what you wanted vs what you thought others expected of you. You were making yourself small and staying quiet. You were desperate and terrified, and it was making you sick - literally sick. What you couldn’t see back then, though, was that you were also incredibly brave. It took a lot of courage to completely flip your life upside down; to start over. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, you put your own happiness and wellbeing first. You took back your power. It wasn’t easy, it was a battle every damn day, but you made it.

You’ve evolved into this amazing new version of yourself (she was always inside of you, just waiting to be brought into existence), and now that she’s here you can’t let her down. You have to harness your inner strength and fully step into this new you. It’s not going to be the easiest route, but it’s going to be so worth it.

Remember that day in therapy when Bonnie asked, “You’re not the type of girl to take the easy route, are you?”

Do you remember your answer? You said, “No. I’m not.”

You’re surrounded by people who love and support you, people who genuinely care about you and want to see you win, now you just need to believe in yourself. You’re going to feel uncomfortable at times, and you’re going to feel amazing at times. You’re going to grow and change. Just remember: you’ve survived it all thus far, and you will continue to not only survive but thrive. You’re going to make it. You’re going to “dare greatly” and become your authentic self by owning your narrative, embracing vulnerability, and living wholeheartedly.

Take Bonnie’s wisdom with you:

-- You are a warrior, brave and strong.

-- Don’t let anyone make you small, and don’t make yourself small.

-- Take up space and be heard.

-- Don't dim your light just because some people like the dark.

-- Take care of that little girl inside of you; don’t abandon yourself.

Your one wild and precious life is waiting for you, darling, what is it you plan to do with it? ~ Mary Oliver

You’re going to be brave. You’re going to take risks - you’re going to put yourself out there with your writing. You’re going to get rejected, and it’s going to suck - vulnerability sucks, but it’s essential. In your own words, you’re “bloodletting onto these pages, my soul laid bare for all to see.” That is not something to take lightly. There are people out there who will resonate with what you have to say, people who will find solace in your words, as you have found in the words of others. Write for yourself, then be brave and put it out into the world for those who will love it, and forget about those who don’t (you’re not writing for them). There is a place for you out there, and you deserve to be heard.

Love,

Yourself.”