The mother I never wanted

Nowadays the child whose parents are still together seems to be the odd one out, but when I was young, I was the odd one out. I was the only one of my friends with a single mum and a weekend dad. I was the only one from a broken home, and that’s exactly how I felt - broken. Like something was wrong or missing.

Furthermore, through a series of unfortunate circumstances, it was decided that the best thing for me would be to live with my mum's parents. They gave me a safe and happy home, I was well loved and taken care of, but I felt the ache of my broken family just the same. I looked around me and saw my friends' families and what looked to me like picture perfect homes, and I felt that void.

My little mind couldn’t make sense of it all. I was confused and frustrated; I was filled with resentment and anger and hurt. It was bubbling over like a witch’s cauldron filled with a poisonous brew. I couldn’t contain it, so I poured it out on her…

In my mind, she became the reason for my broken family. I needed someone to blame for my hardships and she became my target. All of it was somehow her fault.

Even though I pushed her away, she kept showing up. But then, as teenage angst mixed in with my brew, she stepped back, leaving me to simmer in my poison…

I spent a lot of time simmering in that brew, but the passage of time has brought with it perspective. Wisdom. I know now that she is a bonus in my life, not a source of lack. She loved me when I wasn’t lovable. She continued showing up with love and support and encouragement; she never gave up on me. I’m so grateful for her now, and I regret not seeing her presence in my life as the blessing it truly is sooner.

Dear Nadine,

The day you married my dad, you made a commitment to him: “to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part.”

You came into a messy situation. You fell in love with a man who already had two children of his own, and you made space in your heart for us too. You chose to love us as though we were your own flesh and blood.

When you married my dad, you made that commitment to me too.

You have continued to show love, interest, care and concern for me beyond when you were “obligated” to by parental expectations, let alone those of a step parent.

I recognize and appreciate that the “gap” in your presence during my teenage years was not a lack of care for me, but rather a recognition that what I needed at that time was space. I’m grateful you had the wisdom to take a step back and let me work through things. And I’m grateful you came back into my life when I was ready to receive you again.

You are the mother I never wanted, and whether I liked it or not all those years ago, I am so grateful to have you now. I’ve come to deeply appreciate your presence in my life. You continue to be a source of the fierce love that only a mother can give, and I know that you’re always there cheering me on from afar, and ready to support me should I need to call on you. Thank you for choosing me as one of your own.

Happiest of Mother's Days,

Sahara