Things My Mother Never Taught Me

Most girls learn a lot from their mothers. They learn how to cook and clean, about fashion and beauty, to be good little girls who will grow up to be good women - good wives and mothers. Not me.

My mum has battled with her mental health since she was a teenager, and it’s had a profound effect on her ability to be a mother to me. On a practical level, she hasn’t taught me the things a mother would typically teach their child.

She never taught me how to cook; to brew the perfect cup of coffee, bake chocolate chip cookies, or make scrambled eggs.

She never taught me how to do basic household chores; to do laundry without shrinking my favourite sweater, how to make my bed or fold a fitted sheet, to rinse dirty dishes right away so they’re easier to wash later.

She never taught me about fashion; how to coordinate an outfit, what colours and patterns clashed or worked well together, how to accessorize.

She never taught me to stay off the ground to keep from getting my jeans dirty.

She never taught me to drive with the windows up to keep my hair from getting windblown.

She never taught me to stay inside in the rain.

She never taught me to leave the rocks on the ground where they belong.

She never taught me to stick to what I know, to keep my ideas to myself; to be quiet and accept things as they are without question.

Despite my mum never teaching me practical life skills, I still learned them along the way, and anything I didn’t learn, I can Google. All it takes is a quick search and I can find anything and everything I’d ever need to know and then some.

The thing is, even though there’s a lot my mum didn’t teach me, I learned so much from her.

She taught me there’s more to life than doing chores.

As a self-proclaimed “fashion-beast-a,” she taught me that the clothes you wear don’t matter; who you are is far more important than how you look.

She taught me to explore and experience nature; that it’s ok to get dirty, you and your clothes are washable.

She taught me to drive with the windows down on a summer day no matter how windblown and messy my hair gets because it’s more fun that way.

She taught me that it’s ok to get wet - you will not melt, and you will dry, so dance in the rain.

She taught me to pick up rocks. Pick them up and turn them over in my hands, feel the rough edges and admire the different colours and patterns, and if you find one you really like, one that speaks to you, bring it home so you can admire it whenever you want.

She taught me to speak up and be heard; to ask questions and challenge the way things are if they don’t seem right.

Spoiler: the things I learned from her are infinitely more valuable to me as a woman than knowing how to keep house.

The lessons I learned from watching her go through life in a constant state of survival have taught me resilience. By watching her fight battle after battle and keep surviving, I learned that life is hard, but I must never give up on myself. Through her example, I’ve been able to face challenges in my own life with courage and show strength through my struggles.

My mother taught me to be a warrior.